The Decisions We Make
by Nuttyginger
Summary: A trip to Sunnydale leads to some interesting revelations and...a bit of Buffy bashing!
1. Revelations

Cordelia is still dying..But nobody is supposed to know.

_Disclaimer: Not mine I tell you! (*Eyes up the room with a Tommy Gun!*)_

The Decisions We Make 

_By_

Nuttyginger 

Cordelia wondered into the reception area, a smile firmly planted on her face. Angel had kindly given Cordelia his credit card for the day, knowing that it would probably break his bank balance. It was either let her break his bank balance or listen to her whine and moan about never being appreciated or never getting that $200 rises she wanted.

            "Angel, I'm home." Cordelia shouted I a singsong voice. Angel poked his head out of Wesley's office and was startled at the amount of bags in Cordelia's hand. She handed him back his credit card and turned away. "I'm just gonna put these in your wardrobe...since mine hasn't been delivered yet."

Angel looked back her in horror...on his credit card? He could sense it before it arrived. The visions were like a small lightening bolt in his brain, a shock, nothing more. He ran towards her, Wesley never seeing him again until he caught Cordelia in his arms. The shopping bags were scattered on the floor, forgotten, as his Seer convulsed in his arms. The gasps and harrowing screams brought pain to his dead heart...this was his fault. Slowly the screams died down to small whimpers and the tears began to fall as Cordelia can out of her vision and faced the brown eyes staring back at her, looking for answers.

            "Angel, it was horrible. I mean I know we never were the best of friends but he tossed her around like a rag doll. I seen what would happen if we didn't stop it. All the suffering and the wars." Angel looked at her in horror as she put a hand up to her nose to wipe away the trickle of blood that had fell from her nose and looked up at Angel with a smile on her face but utter pain in her eyes. 

            "We have to go to Sunnydale. I suggest the whole weapons cabinet and an Orb of Thenus." An unnoticed flash of hurt passed across her face. Cordelia sighed and reached for her head again.

            "Why do we need the Orb Cordelia? Did you see Angelus?" Wesley asked, his mind playing over the last time they met Angel's alter ego.

            "Nope, but Buffy hasn't seen Angel for over two years. I think she will jump on him as soon as he walked in the door." She sighed and touched her temples. "OK, I'll go and pack some stuff for me and Conner, Fred could you grab me some pain killers? Wesley grab your best book, this is going to be big, Angel and Gunn," She turned to them with a serious look on her face. "Pack the weaponry, I suggest swords, battle axes and the heavy artillery." She turned and left before Angel could correct her on the Buffy issue. She knew what he would say before he even said it. He would say it wasn't true but she knew deep in her heart it was.

Conner was asleep in his crib, his chubby fists clenched around his baby blue blanket. He looked so like his father it was unbelievable. After everything they had been through together, she knew it was true. The tiny blue and yellow baby grows in her hands smelt of baby talc and Conner's sweet scent. A tear ran down her cheek and on to the toweled baby-grow. This wouldn't last and she knew it. The CAT scans had all but confirmed if she were still alive in 6 months, she would be living on borrowed time. The secret was hers alone to bear. She didn't want her last months to be filled with her friends treating her like a fragile vase, just waiting to be broken. She didn't want to see the sadness in their eyes each time they looked at her. If she didn't tell them then the only time they would spend mourning was the day she died.

The bags were packed and the painkillers sat on the bedside table. They wouldn't work; neither would the ones the doctors gave her. Cordelia shock herself out of her thoughts and turned to look around. Conner was now awake and in the baby carrier, waving his arms to grab her attention. She smiled at him and placed his favorite teddy bear in his hands. Fred had packed bags for herself and Gunn while Cordeila knew that Angel had a bag at the bottom of his wardrobe with clothes in it. It was in case he became souled or human and he could just run off...or so she told herself. The urge to cry was over-riding her but she kept the burning tears back.

            "Come on Conner. Lets go and meet more strange people. I bet you thought we were strange…Buffy rises from the dead, twice now just like your real mommy. Now you be nice to Buffy, she'll be your future mommy. But remember, nobody will love you more than I did except for your daddy."

She stroked his face and placed him in the Moses' basket, which doubled up as a travel bed, and then covered him with a blanket. As the two travel bags were slung over a shoulder a sharp pain ran up her side, reminding her – as if she would forget – of her future. She could hear the guys calling for her as she attached Conner's stuff to his basket.

They were standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her. Her own little family assembled and waiting. They were an odd bunch, she would admit it now, but they had more loyalty in this family than they had ever had in their real families.

            "Right, lets go to Sunnyhell!" Cordelia muttered, keeping her face to the ground.

Angel noticed how her mood had dropped. He knew that they would have to explain Conner and how Cordelia has ended up playing mommy. Buffy's reaction wasn't something he was looking forward to and he was sure that the same ran for Cordelia.

The journey was made mostly in silence except for the calming lull of Conner's breathing as he slept in the back of the car. Gunn and Fred were in his truck and Wesley was traveling lone ranger on his Harley Davidson. The little convoy pulled up to Buffy house and the occupants climbed out. They were seen by Dawn who had looked out of the window when she heard the motorcycle. She bolted out of the house and into the night.

            "Cordy! What are you doing here?" Dawn shouted as she ran from the Summers' front door.

            "Shh. You'll wake the baby." For the first time Dawn noticed the baby. Cordelia saw the questioning in her eyes. "Dawnie, I would like you to meet Conner Chase, the latest edition to the A.I family."

Dawn's eyes just about popped out of her head. "You had a baby!" Dawn expressed in a whispered voice.

            "Who's had a baby?" Buffy asked following Dawn out of the house. "Oh my God Cordelia…how, when, who, why?"

            "Way to go with the Spanish Inquisition Buffy." Cordelia said sweetly.

Angel decided Cordelia shouldn't face Buffy's grilling alone. "He's my son. He's about  3 months old."

Buffy stared at Angel in disbelief. "But…But who's the mother?"

            "Well it's my name on the Birth Certificate!" Cordelia took great satisfaction in watching Buffy's face fall apart. "Can we move this inside because I don't want him catching a cold or eaten by a Vampire."

Buffy ushered them all into the house where Xander was sitting with Willow on the couch. Dawn sat at their feet while Buffy sat on the chair furthest away. The LA gang felt out of place until Willow flung her arms around Cordelia and hugged Angel a little softer. Xander waved an awkward hand and then scowled at Angel and Wesley, not daring to look at Gunn or the girl standing behind him.

            "Well," Cordelia started. "This is Gunn, one half of the muscle, and Winifred or Fred, one half of the brain. Wesley and Angel you know and the latest addition is Conner Chase, one major distraction to the whole 'demon hunting' thing." She smiled down at Conner, who now awake and wanting Cordelia's earrings. 

            "Conner…Chase? You have a baby?" Xander exclaimed. "You hate kids. You used to scare them when we walked passed the kindergarten after school."

            "I do not Xander, and it's different when you have one of your own to look after. They are so harmless and depending on you."

Xander's face contorted into anger. "So who's the father?" He saw Angel beam out the corner of his eye. "**You!** You're the father! I can't believe this. What about the curse? If Angelus had got out Buffy would have been the first person he would have come after."

            "No Xander that would probably have been Cordelia. We know there is no risk to my soul anyway. It is permanent."

Buffy's face now displayed hurt. "Your soul was sealed and you never came back to me? How could you? How did you seal it? The Orb?"

            "No." Angel answered sadly. "It was Cordelia. She was poisoned by a demon and I drunk from her to take away the poison and then gave her the blood back. Her blood sealed my soul. The Powers told her in a vision."  
  


            "What's a vision?" Xander asked. 

They all turn around a Cordelia whimpered for Angel just as she began to fall. Angel sensed it a split second before the attack and rushed to her side. It felt like the Matrics to him when Keanu was dodging the bullets in slow motion. He heard her call and moved across the room as the others turn. Cordelia was safely in her arms before she had a chance to register what was going on. He held her close to him as her body convulsed. The cries struck deep into his heart, knowing that all the pain was because of him. Seconds dragged by and still she was fitting. The tears had started to run down her cheeks, from pain or fear, he couldn't tell. Slowly she calmed and took a few second to open her eyes. That's when he saw the signs she had tried to hide from him. Blood trickled from her nose and more worryingly from her ear. It wasn't good.

            "What did you see Cor?" Angel asked as Fred ran to her side with painkillers while Gunn stood by with a pen and paper.

            "It was a demon, huge, it had a greeny blue body, smelt like a sewer. It had scales to the upper part of its body. It was in a cemetery with kids involved." She was still cradled in Angels lap as he knelt on the floor. A trickling sensation down her face made her cringe and Angel had seen it. "My nose huh?" She whispered so only Angel could see her. "You got a tissue?"

            "Cor, I have a baby that pukes, course I have a tissue." He whispered to her and handed her the tissue. 

He tried to protect her from the view of the Scooby's but it was too late; Buffy had seen the whole thing. Anger seethed through her again. It seemed to be a common theme when Cordelia was involved. She could see Cordelia was feigning for attention. Still the same old Queen C. People could change but not Cordelia; once a spoilt brat, always a spoilt brat as far as Buffy was concerned.

            "We have to go now. I can still feel the pain. It's getting worse." She picked up a broad sword only to have Angel pluck it back.

            "You are **not** fighting this demon. The hangover is serious this time. You have to slow down."

Cordeila turned angrily on Angel. "Only I can feel where they are. There are seven cemeteries in this town and if we search them one by one, the children will be dead before we can reach them. Angel let me do this. I will lead, you can play the Hero and fight OK?"

She didn't wait for answer; instead she picked up the sword and stormed out of the house. Wesley, Gunn and Angel didn't wait for Buffy. They weren't used to fighting with other people. They knew each other's strengths and weaknesses and that was the main point. The four of them walked side by side in silence with Buffy and Xander trying to keep up the rear. Cordelia fighting…this was a sight Buffy couldn't wait for.

They could see the demons before they even arrived…five of them. They were no pretty. 

            "Are you sure about this Cor. You don't have to!" Angel asked he as they passed into the cemetery through Iron gates.

            "What is it they say Angel? Go Team!" She said dryly going back to some of their training days.

Cordelia herded the kids into a crypt and closed the door before taking on the demon that was heading towards her. They were big and slow to react. Cordelia's reaction rates were slower than usual but she could still outwit the demon. She took out his knees and as he crashed to the ground she took his stomach and then his head as he dissolved into the ground. She turned to see Xander painfully propping himself up on a gravestone. She heard Anfgel shout '**look out**' as a demon ran for her back. Buffy turned to watch as Cordelia turned with quick speed and jumped to the same height as the demon. Her sword blade was behind her shoulder as she swung with all the strength, her eyes never leaving the demons sky blue ones. The blade made no sound, except the cracking of his spine, as it slid through his neck like hot butter. Buffy did little but watch then turned to watch Wesley and Gunn fighting, like knife throwers in a circus: Complete trust for each other and timed together exactly. They finished off the demon in a hard battle but were still laughing about it. Angel was checking on Cordelia while Buffy gave Xander the once other. He pulled her close.

            "Did you see her? Cordelia could never fight like that before. She must have been doing some training. For a normal, non-slayer person she was great." 

Buffy glared at Xander and hauled him to his feet. "Well I guess that's what the visions do to her.

They walked back to the Summers' house, Angel supporting Cordelia and Gunn and Wesley still carrying on and discussing the battle. Xander and Buffy hung back, not wanting to feel even more isolated.

LATER – 12amish 

**__**

Cordelia help the bottle in her hands, the saucepan on the stove. Angel, Cordelia and Conner were asked to stay at Buffy's. She was the only one with a double spare room and enough room to cope with a baby. Nobody had dared ask if Conner was completely human or not. She placed the bottle in the simmering pot and waited, her back to the living room door.

            "What makes you so special?" A dark voice asked from the shadows.

            "Jeez Buffy, you're worse than Angel. What did you say?"

Buffy peeled herself out of the shadows and stepped forward, a dark look on her face. "I said, what make you so special?"

            "I don't know what you mean Buffy." She answered in a monotone voice.

            "How come you get to stay with Angel? Have his child? What have you done to deserve it? You were a bitch in high school. Made everyone feel about two feet small. You get pictures shows from your Powers and all of a sudden you are a saint? You can't fool me Cordy."

            "Don't you ever call me Cordy. Only my friends call me that. I'm no saint. I am in this because for 24 hours I was given the pain of the world and now I want to fix as much of it as I can. I came to Sunnydale because I have a vision of you dying. I've seen it, I felt the pain, and the fear and I will keep on reliving it until we stop whatever kills you. Now do you understand?"

            "Do you realize how much I hate you Cordelia? How much I hated you in high school. How much hate I felt when I seen you in LA with Angel and that man.

            "That man was Doyle, another person I have lost in my family. At least your parents cared about you. The only reason you hated me is because every time you seen me in high school you seen what you would have been like if you hadn't been called. That's the truth Buffy. I was a constant reminder of what you were like when you were in LA. Well guess what. I'm not the Queen C anymore. I have lost friends and seen the dark side of everything. I can deal with Angelus without killing him. I am stronger than you. I changed because I wanted to. You were forced to stop being a bitch." Cordelia felt Angel's presence behind her. Buffy saw him.

            "Angel…I…" Buffy stuttered."

Angel growled angrily. "Save it Buffy. I heard." He turned to Cordelia. "Cordelia, Conner was waiting for you to say good night." 

            "But Angel I…" 

            "Cor leave." He turned back to Buffy as Cordelia pounded upstairs. "Why don't you give up?" He asked her.

            "What do you mean Angel. Why are you acting like this?"

            "Buffy, you are the one acting like a bitch. Cordelia didn't deserve that Buffy. We have all had a rough time in the last 12 months and Cordelia has bore the brunt of it. Now, I'll tell you why she is so special. She can separate Angelus from Angel. She knows what my demon has done and she knows about my human life. I told her because I trusted her and we are best friends. Spike was right you know. He said we were never friends and it was true. You know nothing about my life and I know nothing about yours. I didn't judge you on Riley, or what happened with Parker. I let you move on. When Faith came to me for help, you didn't consider her needs. You were just so hell bend on revenge. It had to be all about you. Well my life isn't like that anymore."

            "What makes her so damn special?"

            "She's dying Buffy. Cordelia is dying. In six months I will bury another person I love. My son will grow up without a mother and I will have no one to keep me grounded. She pulls me out of a brood with a sarcastic comment or a suggested trip to the movies. She loves Keanu Reeves and hates Julie Andrews. Her favourite video is the one she shoot, the day Doyle died. She can't cook but makes a mean Manhattan. Her worst feature is the scar she got from the rebar when she caught Willow and Xander kissing. Her greatest fear is me, me turning into Angelus and her having to kill me and him. I know everything about her where as I know nothing about you. Now we are here to save your life and I will not put up with you making Cor's life hell. She is dying and I want her last days to be a good as possible, filled with great memories. I would rather walk away from you than her." 

He didn't give her a chance to defend instead he walked away. Buffy followed him upstairs and cornered him outside Joyce's old room. 

            "Tell me one thing then Angel. Willow said that there was no chance that Cordelia could have been pregnant when she came to see you, after I died. Now nine months later you have a bouncing baby boy that could only be describe as a miracle and you are saying Cordelia is the mother. How come she doesn't breastfeed? How come there was no bump when Willow visited?"

            "Cor didn't carry Conner. She is his mother in every sense of the word except for blood. His first word was 'mama' while in Cordy's arms. My son loves her so much and she loves him. She is there when he wakes up and she puts him to sleep. I couldn't take him out into the sunshine so instead she does. He goes for walks in the park everyday with her. Buffy, this is the last chance that Cordelia is gonna have to be here. Help her leave Sunnydale with good memories in tact. Willow has forgiven Cordelia for being so horrible in high school and Cordelia has forgiven Xander and Willow for the thing 5 years ago…she has done nothing to you. I am about to lose my everything and I couldn't care what you think of either of us. Now Cordelia doesn't know that I know so I am asking you as a favor…don't say anything."

Angel didn't even wait for an answer as he turned into their room, leaving a very shocked and stunned Buffy.

**~**~**

Look out for Chapter Two!


	2. When The World Spins

When The World Spins  
```````````````````  
Cordelia sat waiting patiently as the dawn slowly appeared over the horizon, he wouldn't be up for hours yet but Cordelia could already hear Buffy moving about. Typical. They were the last ones to sleep at night and the first to rise in the morning. The buzzing in her head had all but subsided only to be replaced with the dull ache that reverberated around her head. Cordelia turned her attention back to the stove and the bottles sitting in the pan heating. Conner was sitting in his high chair, currently occupied with his bright blue octopus. Cordelia had bought him it two days after he showed up at the hotel. It had eight arms with different kinds of textures on each arm. The woman in the shop had said it was great for baby development. Nothing but the best for their Conner. She heard Buffy pad down behind her, without turning around she knew that the blonde Slayer had stopped dead when she saw the Seer in her kitchen.   
  
"I was just heating some formula for Conner." Cordelia said, trying to defuse the situation. It wasn't fair for the Slayer...It was her home.  
  
"I was up anyway. I gotta feed the little devil here and then I think I might go for a walk, see the one Starbucks in this town. Conner always likes going for a walk." Cordelia explained whimsically.  
  
"Oh, what about Angel?" Buffy asked. "I mean, what is he planning to do tonight?"  
  
Cordelia sighed. "Buffy, we're not glued at the hip and I guess he will sleep until 7pm and then get up to get blood. What ever he does after that is his choice."  
  
"Well what if we go shopping, as in together?" Buffy asked remembering what Angel said. Maybe a good way to get on his good side.  
  
"Buffy, you don't have the best fashion sense in the world. I mean Dawn has better sense than you do. Sorry, I don't think us going shopping together is a good idea." Cordelia pulled the bottle out of the pan and tested it on her wrist before sitting it on the table beside her to start feeding Conner.  
  
"Well, we'll take Dawn with us. It's the weekend, Dawn needs some new stuff for school. You'll get to know the grown up Dawn and maybe we can...you know...catch up."  
  
Cordelia looked at Buffy with a raised eyebrow. "Buffy, have you been taking happy pills again or had a shake of a sensitivity stick?"  
  
"No, I mean, you seem good friends with Willow and see only makes friends with good people. We're both different and I want to know what changed in you. Is that hard to believe?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Come on Cordelia. Not scared are you?" Buffy played her wild card.  
  
Cordelia sighed again. "OK. Be ready about 'bout noon. I wanna shop while Conner is sleeping. He feels left out easily and I don't want my baby-wabby to feel left out." Cordelia turned to Conner and started to feed him, his attention else where, mainly the strange blonde woman who was squinting at him.  
  
12 noonish:  
`````````  
Cordelia came down the stairs wearing a beige and blue paisley print top with a short beige skirt, small black sandals one her feet. Conner was sleeping, as predicted, in an adorable blue baby grow. Buffy was sitting on the couch with Dawn in her favorite dark hipster jeans, a beautiful bright ribbon belt finishing it off nicely. Buffy was sitting a lilac v-necked tank-top and black leather trousers.  
  
"Like I said, Dawn got all the fashion sense. We ready?" Cordelia asked picking up the padded baby bag beside the door. "We can take Angel's car. He isn't up yet and the fittings for Conner's carrier are fitting in there."  
  
"Yeah sure. Won't Angel mind. That convertible is his pride and joy." Buffy expressed.  
  
"Well since I have the spare key, technically I can take it when ever I want. Here Dawn, wanna watch the baby in the car?"   
  
Dawn happily took the baby bag and followed Cordelia as she fitted the child seat.  
  
  
The ride to the mall was uneventful with Buffy in the front and Dawn fussing with the now awake Conner. Cordelia had a slight headache but it was almost resident in her head these days. Cordy always told Angel it was just tension from his bugging her all the time. The web of lies she had weaved was complicated but necessary. Her medication was locked away in a jewelry box in her closet and the medication at work was kept in a regular codeine bottle, it was all necessary. Dawn seemed scared by Cordelia's visions and surprised at the change in the woman Buffy had describes as a Class A- Bitch!  
  
"Why don't you take the push-chair?" Buffy asked as Cordelia simply lifted him out of the car in his carrier and started to walk towards the mall.  
  
"Buffy, have you ever tried to take a push-chair into a crowded mall at midday on a Saturday? See when you do, you'll know the answer. He really isn't that heavy."  
  
"Yeah but shouldn't you be taking it easy in your condition..." Buffy trailed off noticing her slip-up.  
  
"What condition Buffy. I'm not having a baby or anything you know. I look after Conner back in LA and I can look after him here."  
  
Buffy panicked, she had to cover her steps. "Um...I meant the visions looked painful and maybe you should be taking it easier."  
  
"Whatever." Cordelia tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear and headed into the Mall, her head held high, Dawn following.  
  
2 Hours Later:  
````````````  
  
Buffy had four bags in one hand, a smile across her face. Dawn was happily carrying Conner to give Cordy a break as she carried both Dawn and her own bags.  
  
"So what do you think Cordy. Get rid of him and find somebody else." Dawn turned around to find Cordelia scrunching up her eyes in agony and her head lolling from side to side. "Buffy!" She shouted.  
  
It was too late as Cordelia fell to the floor, the bags scattering around her. Buffy turned around at Dawns cry and expected to find Cordelia in the fit of a vision but instead Cordelia was still, her body just lying on the white marble tiles. It scared Buffy more than the day before. A woman to the side screamed as a guard ran to Cordelia, screaming into his radio for an ambulance, kneeling by her side, checking her pulse. His face dropped 7 shades of white and he tilted Cordelia's head towards the ceiling. Buffy knew exactly what was going on...Cordelia wasn't breathing. The guard checked her chest as he breathed for her, it rose and fell but it wasn't Cordelia. Dawn was silently crying as she cradled Conner closer to her. Buffy couldn't do anything as the Cordelia's face started to pale. The guard to a breath and stepped back. They waited. The three seconds seemed to pass like hours as they waited. Blink and you would have missed it as Cordelia's chest rose slightly on it's own, she was back with them. Two paramedics came running with a red padded bag and a small oxygen tank. The guard explained what he had done as the other man checked the still unconscious Seer over. They lifted her onto a stretcher and herded Buffy , Dawn and Conner into the emergency vehicle and they took off to the hospital.   
  
At The Hospital:  
`````````````  
Buffy stood by the pay phone the nurse had shown her in the ER. She knew he should be told but Cordelia would kill her as well. She needed her family with her, what if this was the last time? Angel would never forgive her. She picked up the phone and put the quarter in.  
  
"Summer residence." Willow's voice filled the line as Buffy fought back the tears.  
  
"Willow, it's Buffy. Is...is Angel up yet?"  
  
Willow shouted for Angel, who was obviously in the kitchen. "Yeah he's just coming." She put the phone down on the table and Angel picked it back up.  
  
"Hi Buffy, where's my car?" He asked.  
  
"At the Mall. Angel listen to me, it's important. Cordelia is at Sunnydale County General. She collapsed in the Mall, she's breathing but unconscious. Dawn and I have Condor. Just get here. The sewer entrance comes up in the morgue just take the service elevator up."  
  
"Buffy, do the doctor's know...about her condition?" He asked, the tears in his throat.  
  
"Yeah, they can't tell you until she's awake though, patient confidentiality.  
  
She could hear Angel trying to breathe, his comfort mechanism she guessed. "I'll be there soon."  
  
  
The rest of the gang arrived before him, Fred sitting in tears in Gunn's arms who looked at the wall with a blank hurt. His arm was moving up and down Fred's back in comfort, it didn't seem to be working. They were getting the feeling that there was more to this admittance than anyone was telling. Angel looked them as if he wished he could unburden himself but every time his mouth opened his promptly. Fred removed herself from the tangle of Gunn's arms and walked towards the destroyed Vampire.  
  
"Angel, is there something going on that your not telling us?" Her voice was soft, but he could sense her desperation.  
  
"Fred, you know there is. You've seen the book as well as I have. The visions aren't good for her but she'll be OK. Cordy doesn't give in so easily, you know that."   
  
"Angel's right. I mean we can look. It's not as if she is going to die anytime soon. We just have to find a potion to help the visions effects...like a herbal remedy." Wesley said to Fred, himself and anyone who was listen. He wasn't sure if it was just to make him feel better or just to hold on to that little bit of hope they all needed. Nobody was ready to admit what they all knew.  
  
  
"Wesley's right. We can find something, you know she'll never ask the doctor for anything stronger than Codeine."  
  
Angel put a comforting arm around her, a silent tear tracking down his cheek, as they both peered into the room of the family member that kept them all together.  
  
~*~~**~~*~  
  
OK, so far so good apart from this nagging voice in my head (yes another one) arguing with it's self as to whether Cordy dies or not. So let me know...and think about the story effect..i love Cordy just as much as you guys. Nutty :o) 


	3. Destiny End

For the first time ever I've used Britney Spears lyrics...I'm wearing a flat jacket just in case of mad mexican readers.  
1) Britney Spears - The Girl In The Mirror  
2) Leanne Rimes - Please, Remember  
  
CHAPTER 3 - Destiny End:  
`````````````````````````  
  
"Easy Cordy, come on let me help." A voice desperately pleaded.  
  
There was an exaggerated sigh complemented by a small growl. "Angel, I. Do. Not. Need. A. Wheelchair. I can walk fine."  
  
"Cordelia, don't argue with me. You died, you know. The doctor's said lots of rest and painkillers will have you right as rain in no time." Angel said, knowing he was lying to himself as well as Cordelia.  
  
"Great...I'm starting to get in on the Buffy act. Angel, all I want is to see Connor and then go to Starbucks and have my Grande skinny Latte. Then, when we have save Buffy the Vamp Layer, we can all go home to our lives and our Host."  
  
"Cordy, I want to send you back to LA. You've had the vision and now you need to go and see the doctors in LA."  
  
Cordelia hoisted herself out of the chair and shook Angel off as he tried to help her up. "Only I know where the vision will lead. There were no instruction to this one and the sooner you realise that I'm the key player in this fight, the better. I am not some doll you can wrap up. I collapsed Angel, I don't have some terminal illness. Cut the apron strings, much."  
  
Angel was about to force his Seer to sit back down when Buffy walked in, Connor in her arms. "Cordelia, you're home."  
  
"Well duh Buffy. I was stealing your act, you know, dying and coming back to life." Her attention turned to the little baby in Buffy's arms. "How is my little boy? Mommy's missed you so much you know. I heard you were chatting up all the nurses. Has daddy been taking good care of you?"  
  
Cordelia walked over and took the carrier from Buffy's hands and struggled carrying the chair before placing it quickly on the sofa. Connor was scooped into the Seer's arms and his placid smile was replaced by a gurgling smile. She rubbed his tummy and was rewarded with a giggle and his tiny hands clasping around her fingers. Cordelia could feel her heart breaking on the spot. Every giggle and every smile was committed to memory because a photograph was yet another thing she couldn't take with her. Her hope was that she would be allowed to watch over them when she was gone, she was a Higher Being right...she'd kick their halo's from here to Kingdom Come...did they have halo's?  
  
"Cordy? Cordelia? You were miles away. Do you wanna go grab a Starbucks then?" Buffy asked, her tone too sugar-sweet for Cordelia's liking but a Raspberry Frappatino sounded like heaven at the moment.  
  
"But Cordelia has just come out of..."  
  
"Why not." Cordelia interrupted, throwing a glare in Angel's direction. "You could do with some sleep, oh-creature-of-the-night and Connor could do with some bonafide sunshine. I'll grab my bag and we can go."  
  
Buffy lifted Connor's carrier only to have it taken back by Cordelia, who stared at Buffy. Angel watched the two. Cordelia obviously wanted Connor close but she was becoming defensive against Buffy. It was not going to be easy for the two to work together.  
  
The two girls left and Angel settled down into a full-on brood, staring at the celing as he lay in their bed. The covers still smelt of her fragrance, strawberries and vanilla from her shampoo. Her scent clung to everything, one day it will fade and what would he be left with? Memories? He had enough of those. His Son...Darla's son! She would be gone as if she never existed. Memories would be all he had them. Her face would be the first thing he woke too and when she was gone...he didn't even want to think about that. The door slamming downstairs drew him out of the brood; Cordelia's voice beckoned him.  
  
"Angel, I know you're brooding so get your un-sunned butt down here now." She could him fall from the bed and scramble for the door. "See, gets him every time." She muttered to Connor.  
  
"What...what's going on...where is it?" Angel shouted, running down stairs with a Hungarian Axe in his hands.  
  
"Calm Mr. Gun-Ho. It's tonight. The battle in my visions. I'll know exactly when I get there. I think..."  
  
"There is no way you are going to this battle Cordelia. You have just came out of hospital. I WILL NOT let you."  
  
"Who turned you into a caveman and my KEEPER?" Cordelia shouted back. "I will be going Angel. You can do this the hard way or the easy way and trust me the hard way will be your worst nightmare." She stood with her hands on her hips, her eyebrow raised in defiance.  
  
"Who's going to look after Connor?" Angel smirked....his Ace card.  
  
Cordelia smiled just as deviously back. "Hello Angelcakes!" The unmistakable camp voice came behind him. "I am here to take care of the Muffin Jr."  
  
"That was low...and Lorne...stop calling my son pastries! Right Cordelia, you lead the way but STAY OUT OF THE FIGHTING!" Angel emphasized.  
  
"Yes daddy. Now I 'suggest' you get the gang here and Buffy and Co. as well. We're gonna need all the back up on all front. Tell Wes to research the Garola Cult. Try mid 14th Century. Willow is going to need to bring out the big spells, also a sealant spell, similar to the one that closed the Hellmouth back at Graduation." Cordelia sat down, suddenly exhausted by dishing out the orders. She kept the smile on her face and prayed that nobody noticed...they did.  
  
LATER THAT NIGHT - 9pmish:  
````````````````````````  
Wesley sat around the table with Xander, and Giles. Willow was turning a glowing globe over her hands, testing and studying it with great concentration. Lorne was sitting in the other corner playing in with Connor. Grunts and groans signified that Spike, Angel and Buffy were training in the basement, the sound of things smashing and the sparking of metal seeming a natural sound in the little magic shop off the main street. Cordelia watched them all, pulling Willow aside.  
  
"Willow I really need you to do me a favour. I need a spell that would give me a little more energy, just to see me through the night. All this Hellmouth hunting is wearing me out. Don't tell Angel though."  
  
Willow diverted her eyes to the floor. "Cordy, I don't do magic on humans anymore. I got in way over my head and..."  
  
"Willow, please I need this. Just for tonight. This is about saving Buffy's life and I can't do that if I am so tired I can't take a step. Now just do the spell and it will be out little secret. Cordelia grimaced at her own statement. It made it sound dirty and false...Willow was just saving her life for a little longer.  
  
Willow solemnly nodded and pulled Cordelia away, clutching some herbs to her purse. "Me and Cordy are just gonna take a walk OK. Anybody want Coffee?"  
  
Several hands went up, Willow took note 'be as natural as possible' ringing through her head. Willow took Cordelia to the meadow near one of the cemeteries. The Vampires didn't come here, the Slayers favourite killing ground. The candles burned gently in the breeze, the flames unaffected by the summer breeze. Herbs scented the early evening air. Cordelia stood in the candle circle, Willow standing in front of her, her eyes closed in concentration. As suddenly as Willow had begun, she stopped and Cordelia felt more alive and ready to run a marathon.  
  
"I gave you some of my energy. I am a Wicca; I take energy from around me. Now it should last a few days but I wouldn't recommend anything like running the New York Marathon or anything to strenuous like that. I don't understand why you need it though." Willow asked concerned.  
  
"Willow, I'm a mom and a Seer, the visions are hard going and I just need a little pick me up. I'll give you back your energy as soon as possible."  
  
Willow gathered up the candles. "Nah, just call it a gift. You know, it is great to have you here. E-mails aren't the same as seeing you. I'm really sorry about the Xander thing..."  
  
Cordelia held up her hand. "It's OK Will, forgotten and put behind me. You couldn't help what you felt."  
  
"I know but I never really said Sorry to you. I just wanted to...with what's coming up."  
  
The women walked back in silence to the shop, three latte's, two cappachinos and two Earl Grey tea's, in their hands. For the first time in a while Cordelia felt at a slight peace, it was comforting. Everyone was still sitting in the same positions except Buffy, Spike and Angel had emerged from the basement, and Angel was trying to feed a fussy Connor. Cordelia placed the cups on the table and took the bottle and Connor from Angel's arms. Connor settled down straight away, cooing gently in his adoptive mommy's arms. Buffy looked on, jealousy consuming her. Connor was meant to be her son, not Cordelia Chase's. She didn't deserve a baby, Buffy had died and saved the world countless times now she had been cheated out of the one reward she wanted.  
  
"Hey, I've just realised that the little one is my uncle. I have an uncle that's 100 years younger than me. That's bloody marvelous."  
  
Cordelia growled. "God no, please tell me he's wrong. My son will not have a bloody-sucking, bleach-hair, smoking uncle with a habit of being undead." She looked at Angel for support but Angel simply cocked his head to the side.  
  
"Well technically he is. I sired Drucilla who then sired Spike. So that makes me Spikes 'grandfather' and any children have are his uncles and aunts!"  
  
"Poor kid is gonna have one hell of an up bringing. Spike can educate him in history with all the blood baths he caused. Lorne can woo our baby to sleep with his lovely tones of 'Stand By Me' and tell him what the answers to the next days math test is gonna be. We have an auntie who could teach him particles physics in two days and an uncle who is an expert shot. At least he is going to be well taken care of." Cordelia looked to the ground in sadness but a split second later she looked up again, a pained 100-watt smile in place. "So are we ready for tonight?"  
  
Small nods came from the preoccupied crowd that littered the Magic Box. There was tension in the air and nervousness was a common disorder among the group. Cordelia had stolen herself away to one of Gile's spare rooms off the shop and was sitting in quiet. The feeling was there, it was coming. The pain and the light's flooded through her head, it was like a fireworks display but there was no enjoyment in this one. She could feel the deep sense of loss and the pain of a death. The scene was blurry, like an out-of-focus picture. It was a familiar place to her though; she had been there recently. The cemetery where they had been to perform the energy spell? No, there was magic in the air but it was bad magic. Them it finished. The pain slammed into her, knocking her on the bed. A pillow had taken much of the screams, dulling them so no one would hear her. Cordelia looked in the mirror of the en-suite bathroom. Her face was paler than before, her eyes more sullen and empty. Things were falling away from her and fast.  
  
*If I could  
I would tell her  
Not to be afraid  
The pain that she's feeling  
The sense of loneliness will fade  
So dry your tears and rest assured  
Love will find you like before  
When she's looking back at me  
I know nothing really works that easily*  
  
  
Twenty minutes later, Cordelia emerged down stairs, her face more drained but coloured with make-up. Willow energy was holding steady. She was in more comfortable clothes: a pair of black jeans, slightly heeled boots, a red top and a black jacket pulled over top. Everyone was ready, weapons distributed and the orbs all packed in a padded rucksack. They look like little soldiers that all lied about their age and were willing to fight for their country; full of naively and forlonging at the challenge they faced. Lorne was down in the basement with Dawn who was happy to play with Conner some more. They holed up with two protection spells and two take-away pizza's. The Host and Co. were happy. The two groups set off, Cordelia and Angel at the head of it. There was no talking, the air thick with tension. Cordelia could feel the buzzing in her head getting louder, they were close. Angel could here Cordelia's heart beat increasing, the fear mixing with her scent, he didn't want her here. Her days weren't meant to be like this, fighting battles and facing evils. They were meant to be peaceful, happy memories, not in Sunnydale with the worlds hell beasts.  
  
"You OK?" Angel asked tentatively. She didn't like being asked if she was OK all the time.  
  
Cordelia turned around and smiled weakly at him. "Oh yeah, this is my idea of a great night out. Sorry, just with the buzzing in my head and all the mojo tension I am feeling a bit...just..."  
  
"Scared?" Angel finished for her. "I know. You're doing well., with this and Sunnydale."  
  
"Yeah. We need to talk about Connor later and about me playing mom here. I just wanna know..."  
  
Xander tapped them both on the shoulder. "We're trying to be a bit stealth here so act all stealthy. It's your specialilty DeadBoy."  
  
"Xander don't..." Cordelia started.  
  
"Shhh." This time it was Willow and Giles together.  
  
The buzzing in Cordelia's head got louder as they neared a clearing in the woods just off St. James Cemetery. They could hear a rabble anhead of them, like someone was having a party. Ahead they could now see a crowd of 10 Vampires sitting beside a fire, empty bottles stewn across the grass.  
  
"Great, 10 drunk Vampires are going to kill me? I don't think." Buffy muttered. "Still melodramatic I see Cordelia."  
  
Cordelia pulled a face at Buffy before joing Angel as they jumped into the fray. Angel dusted a Vampire and looked for Cordelia, expecting to see her on the forest edge, instead she was taking on to Vampires of her own.  
  
"Cordelia, stay out of this." Angel shouted as the rain started to pour down on them. "You promised me."  
  
Cordelia knew that tone, when this was over she was in BIG trouble. "Oh Angel, calm the big brother attitude, it's only Vampires." She emphasised the point by staking a Vampire. "Eww. Vampire dust sticks in the rain."  
  
The 'battle' lasted 10 minutes with the 10 of them working together. Spike had managed to relieve some of his pent sexual tension and was now air-boxing to power himself up.  
  
"So what happened to this Gladeola cult?" Buffy asked, hands on her hips and a pout playing at the side of her mouth.  
  
"Garola" Angel, Cordelia, Giles and Wesley shouted at her. "They should be here, I seen them." Cordelia said, her voice disbelieving that the visions could be wrong.  
  
"Well looks as if you were wrong for once..." Buffy argued.  
  
Just as she finished her sentence the ground began to shake and10 gowned figures rose out of the ground, surrounding them in a circle. Their faces were covered, bowed to their chests. The cult were chanting.  
  
"See. My visions are never wrong. I seen a cult and a cult arise, with really bad fashion sense." Cordelia rambled; anything to stop the tired feeling seeping into her bones. The energy was fading fast.  
  
The cult suddenly looked up at the group inside the circle. Their faces were human, all men around their 30's. Their chanting continued, getting louder and louder.  
  
"OK, 10 verses 10, I say we take them on. All they do is chant." Buffy muttered, Spike agreeing with her.  
  
"Chanting is a very powerful weapon Buffy, they could be calling a demon or extra power." Giles tried to reason but it was too late as Buffy and Spike jumped in and headed towards the two nearest members.  
  
The members stood still until they were approached. The chanting stop in unison, arms were raised and hands revealed from under their robes. Buffy flew forward to punch the man but he matched her move for move, like they knew what to expect. Their eyes were closed, bodies still except for the blocking moves of their arms.  
  
"Distraction, to need to distract their concentration. Angel, it was like with the blind girl." Cordelia shouted across the grass circle.  
  
They paired up into two's, Spike and Buffy trying to agree on the best form of distraction, Welsey and Gunn fighting hard - the axe being swung at the mid-section-, Willow and Fred were trying a new spell and Giles and Xander were successfully wrestling their opponents to the ground. Cordelia and Angel were making headway with the three members that had attacked them. Cordelia was forcefully taking her anger out on a poor guy who had trod on her boots.   
  
"Do you know how much these Gucci boots cost me? Well nothing, daddy bought me them. Have you no respect? Not only are we out in the pouring rain trying to kill you but also, this is doing nothing. For. My. Skin." She emphasized by heeling him as he tried to get back up from the sodden ground. "They were $800 and you think you can go tap -dancing all over them I think not!"  
  
Angel was the first to kill a cult member. He wiped the goo from his jacket in disgust. "Since when did humans have green goo for blood?"  
  
The others turned round and looked at him as the green goo ran through his fingers. Suddenly the swords started flying and the member numbers dropped until there was once left. Giles went towards him, Gunn's sword high in the air. Just as he brought it down on the lone mans neck, his arms raised and a shout of 'RISE' filled the air. The man had no sooner mattered the words then his body fell limply to the ground, his head rolled beside him.  
  
"They rose, they saw, but they didn't conquer. I'm still alive. I would say your vision was wrong Cordelia." Buffy shouted triumphantly over the growing wind.  
  
The ground started to shake again but not from the ground below them. Three defined thuds later, the source revealed it's self in a blaze of swirling leaves and thrashing trees.  
  
"You had to open your big mouth, didn't you Slayer! Why for once couldn't you just keep your wise-ass comments to yourself?" Spike shouted at Buffy who had turned to him with her hands on her hips.  
  
The two quickly engaged in a bickering fight. The others took up fighting stances and watched the 30ft demon with caution. It seemed to be studying them but its eyes, al six of them, were drawn to Spike and Buffy who were still arguing. It bent down close to them and roared at the top of its voice. Buffy and Spike were blown to the ground, both screwing their faces up in disgust of the demons breath.  
  
"You are the Slayer." It spoke in a standard English accent. "I have come to take you to your Maker."  
  
Buffy looked at him, her hands on her hip. "I've already met him…twice. The novelty has worn off." She took the first strike, easily blocked by his huge chubby hands.   
  
Buffy signaled for the others to stand back, this was her battle. The battle began in earnest, the demon gaining the upper and hand and slowly tiring Buffy out. It's size made it less agile but the 360-degree rotation of its body more than made up for that. Buffy was on the ground more times than she was up. The demon pinned her leg under his foot claw and moved in to deliver ever the final blow. Buffy closed her eyes and waited for the pain that never came. She looked up and saw that the demon had rotated 180-degrees, his foot lifted off the ground. Buffy took her chance and rolled away to standing. She heard a muttered cry and the demon fell, a sword sticking out of his back. The LA group had disappeared into the background, searching or inspecting something while the Scooby gang looked at her in shock. Buffy looked at the sword buried in the demons back, recognising it as Cordelia's Claymore, but the Seer was no where to be seen. Buffy searched the night for the Angel, Wesley, Cordelia and Gunn but set eyes on a pitiful sight. Cordelia was cradled in Angel's arms, her face pale, eyes closed but not a physical mark on her anywhere. Wordlessly they turned and slowly made their way back to Buffy's house, Angel taking Cordelia straight upstairs and placing her on the bed.  
  
Joyce's Old Room:  
````````````````````````  
Angel lay with his beautiful Seer in his arms, her laying on top of his body, sitting in-between his legs. Her breathing was shallow, her eyes closed but a smile on her face.   
  
"So I saved Buffy huh? I bet she hates that." Cordelia mumbled, her voice barely audible.  
  
Angel felt a tear slip down his cheek but still couldn't stop a small laugh. "Yeah, but she said 'thanks.'"  
  
"Are Conner and Dawn OK?" Her voice was full of concern.  
  
"Yeah, Lorne love the pizza, Dawn got a few singing lessons and Conner slept through it all. He was calling for his mama when he woke up but soon settled down again." Angel was aware he was making mindless chatter.  
  
"Angel, you that I love you don't you, I mean in everyway. But I just want you to be happy, even if that is with Buffy. Everybody else will fight on with you, no matter what you choose."  
  
Angel sighed. "Don't talk like this Cora. I am not going anywhere to anyone but you. You know that I love you too right?" He asked, suddenly doubting the signals. He felt her smile.  
  
"I'm tired now Angel. Good night. Mind if I just lie here?" She added as an after thought.  
  
  
*Time, sometimes the time just slips away  
And you're left with yesterday  
Left with the memories  
I'll always thin of you and smile  
And be happy for the times I had you with me  
I won't forget, so don't forget  
The memories we made*  
  
  
Another tear slipped down Angel's face. "Yeah, sure." He wanted to feel her skin on his, feel her scent around him. He didn't want to listen as her heart slowed down, gradually, matching the pattern of her breathing. It stopped. Everything stopped. Her body was heavy on his as he stroke her hair and her still warm face. Only the ticking of the clock could be heard as Angel lifted her body from his and laid her gently on the bed, scared to disturb the sleeping Princess. A small kiss on the forehead and he was gone from the room, unable to take the loss and knowing what had to be done.  
  
The stairs creaked as he walked down them but he could not hear a thing. The grief and the loss was tearing his heart apart. Angel looked at everyone gathered at the foot of the stairs or sitting on the couches. They stood up and faced him.  
  
"She's gone." He simply said, taking his child from Dawns arms and cuddling him close to his heart.  
  
Willow turned to a shocked Buffy and buried her weeping face in the crook of her shoulder, unable to hold back the tide. Xander stood in silence and shock beside Buffy, slowly reaching for her hand. Spike had left the room; scared to show his grief in front of the others or to show them how much the Seer had wormed her way into his heart. Fred and Gunn wept in each other's arms, with Lorne cuddling Dawn as she silently wept for the person she had looked up to in the short time she had known her. Angel had heard a 'no' escape from Wesley's lips, a man who had seen much loss and now had lost part of his family. Angel knew that once they were back in LA the family would all grieve in their own way but for now it was all private. Angel had to hold them together, his grief would come later but not even he knew how hard.  
  
2 Weeks Later:  
````````````````````  
Angel stood in the darkening twilight, the sun shutting it's self away for another night and the stars slowly coming out. He looked at the freshly buried grave and cried. A Vampire who had seen death and carnage finally let his defenses down and cried for the woman he loved. There was a scent in the air he wished would just go away. Buffy came up behind him and placed a strong hand on his shoulder; he shrugged it off again. They stood side by side; Buffy looking at Angel and Angel looking at Cordelia's grave.  
  
"She wouldn't have wanted you to be like this angel, all broody and sullen." Buffy tried to joke.  
  
Angel turned to her in anger. "What would know about what she wanted? You never knew her. You slagged her off at every opportunity and only knew the mask she let you see."  
  
Buffy was shocked. "I only meant that she…"  
  
"I know what you meant. You meant that now she is cgone I should move on again. Where do I move on to? To You! Buffy, the woman I loved more than life is gone, never to come back. She won't rise from the dead like you have a habit of doing. She'll never see Conner grow up. I have to tell my son, our son what happened to his mommy when he is old enough. I have to survive a very long life without."  
  
"But…"  
  
Angel interrupted her. "No! I want y6ou to go back to Sunnydale and never come back to Angel Investigations again. You are not wanted here." He said in a monotone voice, an expressionless face.   
  
"Why?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Because you never said thank-you to her. You assumed it was you right after all the times you saved her. You were ungrateful and selfish. Leave me and family alone Buffy."  
  
Buffy realized that the real battle was lost. Her destiny with Angel was finished and there was no hope of reconciliation. She walked away watching Angel standing by Cordelia's grave; Buffy couldn't compete with a dead lover. She walked away from a person she knew she had lost three years ago. She walked away to start again.  
  
*~~**~~*   
FIN (at last)  
  
*I cried so much when I was writing this last chapter that I had to write a happy ending in order to cheer myself up, so if you want it…it's very unrealistic…then just include an email address in your review (hint hint) and I'll send it to you.   
  
  
  
  
  
That's the HTML code for posting pictures - just remove the stars!!! 


	4. The Unrealistic Happy Ending

"Easy Cordy, come on let me help." A voice desperately pleaded.  
  
There was an exaggerated sigh complemented by a small growl. "Angel, I. Do. Not. Need. A. Wheelchair. I can walk fine."  
  
"Cordelia, don't argue with me. You died, you know. The doctor's said lots of rest and painkillers will have you right as rain in no time." Angel said, knowing he was lying to himself as well as Cordelia.  
  
"Great...I'm starting to get in on the Buffy act. Angel, all I want is to see Connor and then go to Starbucks and have my Grande skinny Latte. Then, when we have save Buffy the Vamp Layer, we can all go home to our lives and our Host."  
  
"Cordy, I want to send you back to LA. You've had the vision and now you need to go and see the doctors in LA."  
  
Cordelia hoisted herself out of the chair and shook Angel off as he tried to help her up. "Only I know where the vision will lead. There were no instruction to this one and the sooner you realise that I'm the key player in this fight, the better. I am not some doll you can wrap up. I collapsed Angel; I don't have some terminal illness. Cut the apron strings, much."  
  
Angel was about to force his Seer to sit back down when Buffy walked in, Connor in her arms. "Cordelia, you're home."  
  
"Well duh Buffy. I was stealing your act, you know, dying and coming back to life." Her attention turned to the little baby in Buffy's arms. "How is my little boy? Mommy's missed you so much you know. I heard you were chatting up all the nurses. Has daddy been taking good care of you?"  
  
Cordelia walked over and took the carrier from Buffy's hands and struggled carrying the chair before placing it quickly on the sofa. Connor was scooped into the Seer's arms and his placid smile was replaced by a gurgling smile. She rubbed his tummy and was rewarded with a giggle and his tiny hands clasping around her fingers. Cordelia could feel her heart breaking on the spot. Every giggle and every smile was committed to memory because a photograph was yet another thing she couldn't take with her. Her hope was that she would be allowed to watch over them when she was gone, she was a Higher Being right...she'd kick their halo's from here to Kingdom Come...did they have halo's?  
  
"Cordy? Cordelia? You were miles away. Do you wanna go grab a Starbucks then?" Buffy asked, her tone too sugar-sweet for Cordelia's liking but a Raspberry Frappatino sounded like heaven at the moment.  
  
"But Cordelia has just come out of..."  
  
"Why not." Cordelia interrupted, throwing a glare in Angel's direction. "You could do with some sleep, oh-creature-of-the-night and Connor could do with some bonafide sunshine. I'll grab my bag and we can go."  
  
Buffy lifted Connor's carrier only to have it taken back by Cordelia, who stared at Buffy. Angel watched the two. Cordelia obviously wanted Connor close but she was becoming defensive against Buffy. It was not going to be easy for the two to work together.  
  
The two girls left and Angel settled down into a full-on brood, staring at the ceiling as he lay in their bed. The covers still smelt of her fragrance, strawberries and vanilla from her shampoo. Her scent clung to everything, one day it will fade and what would he be left with? Memories? He had enough of those. His Son...Darla's son! She would be gone as if she never existed. Memories would be all he had them. Her face would be the first thing he woke too and when she was gone...he didn't even want to think about that. The door slamming downstairs drew him out of the brood; Cordelia's voice beckoned him.  
  
"Angel, I know you're brooding so get your un-sunned butt down here now." She could him fall from the bed and scramble for the door. "See, gets him every time." She muttered to Connor.  
  
"What...what's going on...where is it?" Angel shouted, running down stairs with a Hungarian Axe in his hands.  
  
"Calm Mr. Gun-Ho. It's tonight. The battle in my visions. I'll know exactly when I get there. I think..."  
  
"There is no way you are going to this battle Cordelia. You have just come out of hospital. I WILL NOT let you."  
  
"Who turned you into a caveman and my KEEPER?" Cordelia shouted back. "I will be going Angel. You can do this the hard way or the easy way and trust me the hard way will be your worst nightmare." She stood with her hands on her hips, her eyebrow raised in defiance.  
  
"Who's going to look after Connor?" Angel smirked...his Ace card.  
  
Cordelia smiled just as deviously back. "Hello Angelcakes!" The unmistakable camp voice came behind him. "I am here to take care of the Muffin Jr."  
  
"That was low...and Lorne...stop calling my son pastries! Right Cordelia, you lead the way but STAY OUT OF THE FIGHTING!" Angel emphasized.  
  
"Yes daddy. Now I 'suggest' you get the gang here and Buffy and Co. as well. We're gonna need all the back up on all front. Tell Wes to research the Garola Cult. Try mid 14th Century. Willow is going to need to bring out the big spells, also a sealant spell, similar to the one that closed the Hellmouth back at Graduation." Cordelia sat down, suddenly exhausted by dishing out the orders. She kept the smile on her face and prayed that nobody noticed...they did.  
  
LATER THAT NIGHT - 9pmish:  
  
Wesley sat around the table with Xander, and Giles. Willow was turning a glowing globe over her hands, testing and studying it with great concentration. Lorne was sitting in the other corner playing in with Connor. Grunts and groans signified that Spike, Angel and Buffy were training in the basement, the sound of things smashing and the sparking of metal seeming a natural sound in the little magic shop off the main street. Cordelia watched them all, pulling Willow aside.  
  
"Willow I really need you to do me a favour. I need a spell that would give me a little more energy, just to see me through the night. All this Hellmouth hunting is wearing me out. Don't tell Angel though."  
  
Willow diverted her eyes to the floor. "Cordy, I don't do magic on humans anymore. I got in way over my head and..."  
  
"Willow, please I need this. Just for tonight. This is about saving Buffy's life and I can't do that if I am so tired I can't take a step. Now just do the spell and it will be out little secret. Cordelia grimaced at her own statement. It made it sound dirty and false...Willow was just saving her life for a little longer.  
  
Willow solemnly nodded and pulled Cordelia away, clutching some herbs to her purse. "Me and Cordy are just gonna take a walk OK. Anybody want Coffee?"  
  
Several hands went up, Willow took note 'be as natural as possible' ringing through her head. Willow took Cordelia to the meadow near one of the cemeteries. The Vampires didn't come here, the Slayers favourite killing ground. The candles burned gently in the breeze, the flames unaffected by the summer breeze. Herbs scented the early evening air. Cordelia stood in the candle circle, Willow standing in front of her, her eyes closed in concentration. As suddenly as Willow had begun, she stopped and Cordelia felt more alive and ready to run a marathon.  
  
"I gave you some of my energy. I am a Wicca; I take energy from around me. Now it should last a few days but I wouldn't recommend anything like running the New York Marathon or anything to strenuous like that. I don't understand why you need it though." Willow asked concerned.  
  
"Willow, I'm a mom and a Seer, the visions are hard going and I just need a little pick me up. I'll give you back your energy as soon as possible."  
  
Willow gathered up the candles. "Nah, just call it a gift. You know, it is great to have you here. E-mails aren't the same as seeing you. I'm really sorry about the Xander thing..."  
  
Cordelia held up her hand. "It's OK Will, forgotten and put behind me. You couldn't help what you felt."  
  
"I know but I never really said Sorry to you. I just wanted to...with what's coming up."  
  
The women walked back in silence to the shop, three latte's, two cappuccinos and two Earl Grey tea's, in their hands. For the first time in a while Cordelia felt at a slight peace, it was comforting. Everyone was still sitting in the same positions except Buffy, Spike and Angel had emerged from the basement, and Angel was trying to feed a fussy Connor. Cordelia placed the cups on the table and took the bottle and Connor from Angel's arms. Connor settled down straight away, cooing gently in his adoptive mommy's arms. Buffy looked on, jealousy consuming her. Connor was meant to be her son, not Cordelia Chase's. She didn't deserve a baby, Buffy had died and saved the world countless times now she had been cheated out of the one reward she wanted.  
  
"Hey, I've just realised that the little one is my uncle. I have an uncle that's 100 years younger than me. That's bloody marvellous."  
  
Cordelia growled. "God no, please tell me he's wrong. My son will not have a bloody-sucking, bleach-hair, smoking uncle with a habit of being undead." She looked at Angel for support but Angel simply cocked his head to the side.  
  
"Well technically he is. I sired Drucilla who then sired Spike. So that makes me Spikes 'grandfather' and any children have are his uncles and aunts!"  
  
"Poor kid is gonna have one hell of an up bringing. Spike can educate him in history with all the blood baths he caused. Lorne can woo our baby to sleep with his lovely tones of 'Stand By Me' and tell him what the answers to the next days math test is gonna be. We have an auntie who could teach him particles physics in two days and an uncle who is an expert shot. At least he is going to be well taken care of." Cordelia looked to the ground in sadness but a split second later she looked up again, a pained 100-watt smile in place. "So are we ready for tonight?"  
  
Small nods came from the preoccupied crowd that littered the Magic Box. There was tension in the air and nervousness was a common disorder among the group. Cordelia had stolen herself away to one of Giles's spare rooms off the shop and was sitting in quiet. The feeling was there, it was coming. The pain and the light's flooded through her head, it was like a fireworks display but there was no enjoyment in this one. She could feel the deep sense of loss and the pain of a death. The scene was blurry, like an out-of-focus picture. It was a familiar place to her though; she had been there recently. The cemetery where they had been to perform the energy spell? No, there was magic in the air but it was bad magic. Them it finished. The pain slammed into her, knocking her on the bed. A pillow had taken much of the screams, dulling them so no one would hear her. Cordelia looked in the mirror of the en-suite bathroom. Her face was paler than before, her eyes more sullen and empty. Things were falling away from her and fast.  
  
*If I could  
  
I would tell her  
  
Not to be afraid  
  
The pain that she's feeling  
  
The sense of loneliness will fade  
  
So dry your tears and rest assured  
  
Love will find you like before  
  
When she's looking back at me  
  
I know nothing really works that easily*  
  
  
  
Twenty minutes later, Cordelia emerged down stairs, her face more drained but coloured with make-up. Willow energy was holding steady. She was in more comfortable clothes: a pair of black jeans, slightly heeled boots, a red top and a black jacket pulled over top. Everyone was ready, the weapons distributed and the orbs all packed in a padded rucksack. They look like little soldiers that all lied about their age and were willing to fight for their country; full of naively and for longing at the challenge they faced. Lorne was down in the basement with Dawn who was happy to play with Conner some more. They holed up with two protection spells and two take-away pizzas. The Host and Co. were happy. The two groups set off, Cordelia and Angel at the head of it. There was no talking, the air thick with tension. Cordelia could feel the buzzing in her head getting louder; they were close. Angel could here Cordelia's heart beat increasing, the fear mixing with her scent, he didn't want her here. Her days weren't meant to be like this, fighting battles and facing evils. They were meant to be peaceful, happy memories, not in Sunnydale with the worlds hell beasts.  
  
"You OK?" Angel asked tentatively. She didn't like being asked if she was OK all the time.  
  
Cordelia turned around and smiled weakly at him. "Oh yeah, this is my idea of a great night out. Sorry, just with the buzzing in my head and all the mojo tension I am feeling a bit...just..."  
  
"Scared?" Angel finished for her. "I know. You're doing well, with this and Sunnydale."  
  
"Yeah. We need to talk about Connor later and about me playing mom here. I just wanna know..."  
  
Xander tapped them both on the shoulder. "We're trying to be a bit stealth here so act all stealthy. It's your specialilty DeadBoy."  
  
"Xander don't..." Cordelia started.  
  
"Shhh." This time it was Willow and Giles together.  
  
The buzzing in Cordelia's head got louder as they neared a clearing in the woods just off St. James Cemetery. They could hear a rabble anhead of them, like someone was having a party. Ahead they could now see a crowd of 10 Vampires sitting beside a fire, empty bottles stewn across the grass.  
  
"Great, 10 drunk Vampires are going to kill me? I don't think." Buffy muttered. "Still melodramatic I see Cordelia."  
  
Cordelia pulled a face at Buffy before joing Angel as they jumped into the fray. Angel dusted a Vampire and looked for Cordelia, expecting to see her on the forest edge, instead she was taking on to Vampires of her own.  
  
"Cordelia, stay out of this." Angel shouted as the rain started to pour down on them. "You promised me."  
  
Cordelia knew that tone, when this was over she was in BIG trouble. "Oh Angel, calm the big brother attitude, it's only Vampires." She emphasised the point by staking a Vampire. "Eww. Vampire dust sticks in the rain."  
  
The 'battle' lasted 10 minutes with the 10 of them working together. Spike had managed to relieve some of his pent sexual tension and was now air- boxing to power himself up.  
  
"So what happened to this Gladeola cult?" Buffy asked, hands on her hips and a pout playing at the side of her mouth.  
  
"Garola" Angel, Cordelia, Giles and Wesley shouted at her. "They should be here, I seen them." Cordelia said, her voice disbelieving that the visions could be wrong.  
  
"Well looks as if you were wrong for once..." Buffy argued.  
  
Just as she finished her sentence the ground began to shake and10 gowned figures rose out of the ground, surrounding them in a circle. Their faces were covered, bowed to their chests. The cult were chanting.  
  
"See. My visions are never wrong. I have seen a cult and a cult arise, with really bad fashion sense." Cordelia rambled; anything to stop the tired feeling seeping into her bones. The energy was fading fast.  
  
The cult suddenly looked up at the group inside the circle. Their faces were human, all men around their 30's. Their chanting continued, getting louder and louder.  
  
"OK, 10 verses 10, I say we take them on. All they do is chant." Buffy muttered, Spike agreeing with her.  
  
"Chanting is a very powerful weapon Buffy, they could be calling a demon or extra power." Giles tried to reason but it was too late as Buffy and Spike jumped in and headed towards the two nearest members.  
  
The members stood still until they were approached. The chanting stop in unison, arms were raised and hands revealed from under their robes. Buffy flew forward to punch the man but he matched her move for move, like they knew what to expect. Their eyes were closed, bodies still except for the blocking moves of their arms.  
  
"Distraction, to need to distract their concentration. Angel, it was like with the blind girl." Cordelia shouted across the grass circle.  
  
They paired up into two's, Spike and Buffy trying to agree on the best form of distraction, Welsey and Gunn fighting hard - the axe being swung at the mid-section-, Willow and Fred were trying a new spell and Giles and Xander were successfully wrestling their opponents to the ground. Cordelia and Angel were making headway with the three members that had attacked them. Cordelia was forcefully taking her anger out on a poor guy who had trod on her boots.  
  
"Do you know how much these Gucci boots cost me? Well nothing, daddy bought me them. Have you no respect? Not only are we out in the pouring rain trying to kill you but also, this is doing nothing. For. My. Skin." She emphasized by heeling him as he tried to get back up from the sodden ground. "They were $800 and you think you can go tap -dancing all over them I think not!"  
  
Angel was the first to kill a cult member. He wiped the goo from his jacket in disgust. "Since when did humans have green goo for blood?"  
  
The others turned round and looked at him as the green goo ran through his fingers. Suddenly the swords started flying and the member numbers dropped until there was once left. Giles went towards him, Gunn's sword high in the air. Just as he brought it down on the lone mans neck, his arms raised and a shout of 'RISE' filled the air. The man had no sooner mattered the words then his body fell limply to the ground, his head rolled beside him.  
  
"They rose, they saw, but they didn't conquer. I'm still alive. I would say your vision was wrong Cordelia." Buffy shouted triumphantly over the growing wind.  
  
The ground started to shake again but not from the ground below them. Three defined thuds later, the source revealed it's self in a blaze of swirling leaves and thrashing trees.  
  
"You had to open your big mouth, didn't you Slayer! Why for once couldn't you just keep your wise-ass comments to yourself?" Spike shouted at Buffy who had turned to him with her hands on her hips.  
  
The two quickly engaged in a bickering fight. The others took up fighting stances and watched the 30ft demon with caution. It seemed to be studying them but its eyes, al six of them, were drawn to Spike and Buffy who were still arguing. It bent down close to them and roared at the top of its voice. Buffy and Spike were blown to the ground, both screwing their faces up in disgust of the demons breath.  
  
"You are the Slayer." It spoke in a standard English accent. "I have come to take you to your Maker."  
  
Buffy looked at him, her hands on her hip. "I've already met him.twice. The novelty has worn off." She took the first strike, easily blocked by his huge chubby hands.  
  
Buffy signaled for the others to stand back, this was her battle. The battle began in earnest, the demon gaining the upper and hand and slowly tiring Buffy out. It's size made it less agile but the 360-degree rotation of its body more than made up for that. Buffy was on the ground more times than she was up. The demon pinned her leg under his foot claw and moved in to deliver ever the final blow. Buffy closed her eyes and waited for the pain that never came. She looked up and saw that the demon had rotated 180- degrees, his foot lifted off the ground. Buffy took her chance and rolled away to standing. She heard a muttered cry and the demon fell, a sword sticking out of his back. A light burst from the demon filling the whole graveyard with an atritfial day. The light beamed towards the sky, reaching through the cloud cover and into the heavens. Everybody's faces were eched in blue, all staring at the demon. Buffy followed their gaze and watched in half-horror and half-amazement as Cordelia was suspended in the light. The demon was gone, goo on the ground, instead Cordelia was twisted in the light, her eyes closed, face at peace. Wesleya nd Gunn struggled to hold Angel back as he tried to pull Cordelia from the light. Suddenly Cordelia's eyes opened and she drew in a sharp breath. The light intensity grew around her hands and head, as she moved her arms around finding it was easy to move around but she was unable to see out of the light. Her muscle felt stronger, the buzzing inside her head had stopped and it now filled with calm. The pain had stopped; soothing her as her body weightlessly hovered. As suddenly as it appeared the light disappeared leaving Cordelia floating, now able to see the surprised fighters staring at her.  
  
"What, never seen someone hover before?" Cordelia said, looking at her feet. As soon as she let her concentration slip she fell to the earth. "Yah the Powers for the soft landing.NOT!"  
  
Angel ran forward, followed by Wesley and Gunn, Fred hanging back, her brain ticking over time.  
  
"You OK?" Angel asked brushing the dirt from Cordelia's face.  
  
She looked at him with tender eyes. "Yeah. I mean I feel stronger, all muscley and no hed ache. The pain in my head is gone. No more weakness." She buried herself in Angel's chest. "I'm scared."  
  
Angel sniffed the air. "You're not completely human Cora. You smell different." He watched his graceful Seer screw up her nose. "Stand here. Spike, hit her."  
  
"Are you mad?" They both shouted at the same time.  
  
"Angel, Spike has a chip, neutered, complete fluffy bunny-fied! He can't hit me.unless I'm part demon!"  
  
Angel nodded and looked at Spike as if to say 'You disobey me!' Spike stepped forward. Well either way he would die tonight. The Slayer would beat on him for hurting Cordelia if he could and the cheerleader would beat on him for trying. Well best way to go fighting. He drew back his fist as Cordelia put up her arms to defend herself if he did break through. The tention hung in the air and not just from the LA crew, the Scxoobies had gathered around to watch as Spike drew his fist back and threw his weight behind the punch.  
  
"Bloody Hell!" Spike hissed, cluching his fist. "That was one of your block Peaches."  
  
Cordelia stood in stock horror as she rubbed her wrist were Spike had punched. She could here Angel shouting in the background but his voice blurred as the lights set through her brain like fireworks in the sky, the voices echoed around her head as she tried to concentrate on what they were whispering to her. Great now she sounded like Dru.  
  
"Angel don't," She interrupted him once the vision had finished. "I know what's happened. I'm part demon. It was my reward. I saved their Slayer and I got my life back. No killer visions.they'll be painful like Doyle but they won't kill me. My brain is slowly healing. Oh My Gawd Angel, they're curing me."  
  
They flung their arms around each other, their embrace deep and meaningful. Feelings that bubbled below the surface were slowly coming home and coming too close for comfort. They sprung apart.  
  
"So how did you know?" Angel asked, his voice horse with emotion.  
  
Cordelia looked at the love in his eyes, the love not for her. "I was.um.told in a vision just there. So I can fight the visions now." She looked away from him and at the ground. "You know Angel, me Wesley and Gunn are now capable of fighting the visions if you wanna stay. I mean I know that Buffy is here and stuff so you could help them out because by the look of Xander, they should sure as hell need it."  
  
Angel looked at her confused. "Cora, don't say that. You know I wouldn't be happy to let you venture out untrained."  
  
"I'm not untrained. Hell I'm nearly a Slayer. I am saying, I want you to be happy. I know Buffy makes you happy, more than happy, and you have an anchored soul you can go be happy all the time."  
  
* When it's love you give - I'll be a man of good faith Then in love you'll live - I'll make a stand I won't break I'll be the rock you can build on - Be there when you're old To have and to hold That it's all for one and all for love Let the one you hold be the one you want - the one you need Cuz when it's all for one - it's one for all When there's someone that should know - Then just let your feelin's show And make it all for one - and all for love*  
  
"Cora," He slid his hand softly. "You call me emotional blind. I love you, half-demon or not." It suddenly dawned on him that it was one sided. A pair of soft and moist lips upon his own silenced his thoughts. Claps came from the LA gang and a soft auww came from Willow as Angel pulled her away, letting her breathe.  
  
"Knew you would get it eventually man. Seriously good catch!" Fred hit him softly on the arm. "Not compared to my Fred though!"  
  
Wesley stepped up gingerly. "Congratulations you pair. I guess we can stop with the subtext at last then. It was getting terribly tedious." He laughed hoping Angel got the joke.  
  
Angel shook Wesleys's hand and turned back to Cordelia. "Well I think we better go back. I have somethings I need to see to, just to be fully satisfied."  
  
Cordelia and Angel smirked while Wesley buried his head in his hands and muttered a loud. "Oh Bloody Hell, not again."  
  
They all laughed back, even a rather unhappy Buffy.  
  
Sunnydale wasn't that bad after all.  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
I can't believe that was unrealistic. Email me a reply or leave a little review my profile if you liked!  
  
Songs: Girl In The Mirror - Britney Spears (I don't know why I did it) All for One - Bryan Adams, Sting and Rod Stewart (All in one room..umm) 


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